Labels are ruining your life

Have you noticed that people feel the need to label themselves in order to be accepted into a group or community?

An example that comes to mind is two friends of mine who are married. The female part of this relationship decided she wanted to be vegetarian, for ethical reasons. Her husband, on the other hand, doesn’t care about the ethical aspects of being a vegetarian. He simply finds it easier to eat that way, as he lives with one.

The way I see it is, they’ve placed labels on themselves. With labels comes a perceived expectation- one they have of themselves and one that society will place on them.

Now that they are labelled vegetarian; they cannot simply consume meat – even if they wanted to.

It’s odd to me that someone would deprive themselves of the full spectrum of options In life, simply to uphold the mantle of a label that comes with specific expectations.

In the case of my friends, they have conceded they will occasionally eat fish and eggs, but I’ve also seen them indiscriminately kill spiders and bugs.

The label of vegetarian suggests that one would perceive all life as precious – what makes a spider any less valuable than, say, a chicken?

It’s not a question that I can answer, as I choose to eat meat. For a long time though, I abstained from all red meat, but chose not to label myself in any way. I would not mention it when out with company, I would simply just order an alternative.

Labels seems to be a means in which we can define ourselves and each other. And when we do that, we place an invisible pressure on ourselves to continually live up to the implications of what that label demands. This often impedes our ability to incite necessary changes and limits the potential for growth.

Our need to implement labels over ourselves is rooted in our desire to cultivate an identity. We want to belong to a certain group or tribe. Our acceptance is dependent upon our beliefs, behaviour or appearance.

It’s literally how we learned to survive.

We are inherently pack animals. We find safety, acceptance and identity in groups. But that also means we have to adopt the philosophy or dress code to fit in.

It might be dying your hair black, wearing heavy makeup and dressing in an all black wardrobe to fit in with a goth/punk/emo crowd. It would be difficult to be accepted into that group if you chose blonde hair and bright pink clothes – because there’s a dress-code that identifies the person wanting to be initiated and sustained in this group.

Or it might be less physically obvious, but instead wanting to identify with a certain religious or political group. You cannot say you’re a devout catholic and simultaneously practice yoga and visit Buddhist temples.

But labels pigeon hole your identity and limits capacity for expansion, growth and one’s ability to process new ideas and concepts.

When you decide that the label is who you are, then how could you ever consider someone else’s point of view?

Conflict arises from dogma and rigid ideologies become a part of how a person perceives their worth to the label they’ve subscribed to.

I’ve always tried to avoid labelling myself as anything.

I wouldn’t say I’m religious, but I have spiritual beliefs and exploration.

I have never placed restrictions on my diet – (except for gluten – that stuff hates me) yet I make ethical and informed decisions about what I eat.

I am not a vocal activist, yet I have causes I care about deeply.

I think that we already put so much pressure on ourselves, both internally and externally, that minimising our experiences to adhere to the confines of a label… it’s too much.

It’s perfectly okay to have opinions and beliefs. But once we have labelled ourselves, we can no longer be flexible and pivot when new information arises. It becomes who we think we truly are.

We are missing a vital ingredient in all of this – connection. We seek acceptance and will gravitate toward people/causes/beliefs who offer that.

If the root of all of this is an attempt to find connection and deeper meaning in our lives, then from what I understand, it needs to be a journey of finding one’s self. No-one else can offer that to you.

When we remember who we really are, away from the noise of the world, then labels become less important. Simply because we realise that our identity is just a construct.

We are all human beings, having a human experience.